


Are Those Space Pants You're Wearing?

by sunchase



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is...
Genre: M/M, Outer Space, Plants, Wedding, but i mean look at the character list would you expect any less, cheesy pickup lines, flower boy!william, gabe gets inappropriate, i mean they only talk about outer space the setting isn't actually outer space, is that a thing i should tag? it's going in, patrick gets annoyed, pete gets his day made, rated teen for language and sexual innuendo, space boy!gabe, william gets flustered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunchase/pseuds/sunchase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the flower child/space boy AU nobody asked for.</p><p>//</p><p>A couple gets married at the local observatory. William does the floral arrangements. Gabe gets a little too enthusiastic about outer space-themed pickup lines. William doesn't actually mind.</p><p>\\</p><p>"Wanna know why they call me space kid?"</p><p>"'Cause you're a fuckin' nerd?"</p><p>"'Cause I'll make you come so hard you'll see stars!"</p><p>"Wanna know why they call me flower boy?"</p><p>"Why's that, Billy?"</p><p>"It's 'cause uh..." William didn't actually have a punch line. "...'s 'cause I grow a lot of flowers."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are Those Space Pants You're Wearing?

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the part where I admit I've never been to an observatory before. Nor do I know anything about being a wedding florist. Or about outer space. Gimme a break, I study farm tech.
> 
> //
> 
> Starring: 
> 
> William Beckett the Garden Fairy  
> Gabriel Saporta the Endearingly Obnoxious Space Nerd  
> Pete Wentz the Asshole Matchmaker  
> Patrick Stump the Ever-Harassed Observatory Technician  
> feat. Sarah and Brendon Urie, my actual parents who gave birth to and raised me, as the offscreen bride and groom.

William's boss at the flower shop he worked at had finally (after only two years, ohmygod) allowed him to do the floral arrangements for a nearby wedding. He was absolutely pumped about it, until he realized that meant he had to be at the venue for seven am day-of to put everything together before the reception in the evening. That made him a little less pumped. 

At least, he decided through his caffeine-fuelled resentment that morning, the couple's choice of flowers was excellent, as he and Pete (who drove deliveries for the flower shop) took the boxes of arrangements out of the truck. He began to unpack the vases of purple, blue, and white hydrangeas, and lily of the valley. As William placed the flowers around the dome of the observatory where the ceremony was to take place, other people milled about setting up chairs and twinkling lights. Soon enough, the place looked ready for a wedding.

"Bill!" someone called for him unexpectedly. 

William looked around and saw his buddy Patrick over by a large telescope lens. "Hey Patrick! What's up?"

"Just positioning the telescope right. It's pointing to the star the groom named after the bride, isn't that sweet? Take a look!"

William leaned down a little to look through the telescope lens. Unfortunately, this put him in a position in which his ass was sticking out, and someone slapped it. "Jesus, Patri-"

It wasn't Patrick. 

William didn't even know this guy - but he was hot. He hoped he wasn't blushing as hard as it felt (he was).

Patrick sighed. "Hey Gabe. This is William."

"Oh good, 'cause if it wasn't and I slapped the wrong guy, that would've been really awkward."

"And why am I the right guy to slap?" William asked, mildly concerned for his reputation.

"Pete said you were into that," Gabe shrugged and gestured towards Pete, who was making finger guns towards the two and winking.

William brought a fist to his mouth, momentarily considering how lucky Pete was that he was on the other side of the room. Patrick made a face of pity and mimed "why you gotta be like that?" towards Pete. Gabe wiggled his eyebrows and gave Pete a thumbs-up. 

Patrick turned back to the two of them. "So... William. This is Gabriel. He's Pete's friend. Started working here a couple weeks ago. Apparently, he's in a competition with Pete as to who can be the world's biggest creep," he gave Gabe a look. "Seriously Gabe. What the fuck. Apologize to the kid."

"I'm not a kid," William tried to insist, but they ignored him.

"I am deeply sorry for any offense I may have caused to you or your delicious ass,” Gabe apologized, bowing his head dramatically.

Patrick closed his eyes and made a sound a bit like a broken fax machine, and stalked off, probably to go throttle Pete. William’s eyes widened to a comical size and he could feel the blush all the way to his forehead, but he also couldn’t help the nervous smile that crept onto his face.

“Can I keep going, or should I protect your virginal garden fairy ears?” Gabe asked. “Because if what Pete told me was true, I wouldn’t say you’re so so innocent. Plus, I got a whole list of outer-space pickup lines.”

William thought about telling him to piss off just for the garden fairy line, but also considered the fact that Gabe was, for all intents and purposes, actually really hot. “Are the other pickup lines as raunchy as your introduction?”

Gabe hesitated. “Well… yes.”

“Let’s talk later,” William suggested, pointing to the bouquets and boutonnieres still waiting to be set out or given to the wedding party. “I still gotta do the whole… flower thing.”

\\\

“The whole flower thing” also involved taking the vases back to the shop at the end of the night, so during the ceremony and reception, William and Pete had to just hang around the observatory, out of the way of the actual wedding. Which is why, while the wedding march was being played, they were hiding in a maintenance room playing red hands.

“So why’d you send Gabe to sexually harass me anyway?” William asked, and slapped Pete’s hands with a loud smack.

Pete shook his hands out for a second, then got back in position. “’Cause you’re both each others’ type.”

“In what world-“ William moved his hands out of the way and they switched, “-is my type an aggressively flirtatious raging hot space cadet?”

“Ayyy,” Pete grinned, and William slapped his hands again. “You agree he’s ragin’. That’s step one right there.”

“Even if he was my type, why did you tell him I liked getting my ass publicly slapped? That was just weird,” he dodged again. Pete was awful at this game.

“To be fair, it was supposed to lead in to the line, ‘Are those space pants you’re wearing? Because your ass is out of this world!’”

“You were gonna make him say that?”

Pete snorted. “That one was all him, man. He had a whole list of space-themed lines.”

William gave him an extra-hard slap that time, just as Gabe walked in humming along to the music. He seemed startled by them for a second.

“What are you guys doing in here?” he asked.

Pete shrugged, which made William think he was making a move, so he flinched, and lost. “Hiding ‘til the wedding’s over. Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to talk to people about stars or something?”

Gabe sat down on the floor with them. “Patrick banished me until the end of the ceremony when I’m actually needed. Apparently muttering ‘trip, trip, trip’ under your breath while people are walking down the aisle is inappropriate.”

“Speaking of inappropriate,” Pete tilted his head towards William. “Bill’s real interested in the rest of your shitty pickup lines.”

“Ooh!” Gabe got excited. William gave Pete the same look that Patrick had given him earlier. The “why has it suddenly become your life’s mission to make Bill wildly uncomfortable?” look.

“Alright, alright. Here’s one,” Gabe put on a straight face. “I may not be an astronaut, but I’ll be exploring Uranus tonight.”

Pete shook his head. William blushed again. Gabe smiled in victory.

"Wanna know why they call me space kid?" Gabe went right into the next one.

"'Cause you're a fuckin' nerd?" Pete piped up. 

Gabe flipped him off and kept going. "'Cause I'll make you come so hard you'll see stars!"

William decided to try and join Gabe in his own game. "Wanna know why they call me flower boy?"

"Why's that, Billy?" Gabe asks, genuinely interested in hearing Bill's raunchy pickup line.

"It's 'cause uh..." he didn't actually have a punch line. "'s 'cause I grow a lot of flowers."

All three collapsed in heaving laughter. After a minute, Patrick opened the door.

“Christ, you guys are loud! What are you doing?”

“Outer space pickup lines,” Pete gasped, clearly still unable to even.

Patrick raised an eyebrow. “I got one for Gabe.” The guys took deep breaths to control themselves long enough to listen. “Are you a white dwarf? Because you’re pretty hot but not very bright. C’mon, ceremony’s almost over and we need you out there.”

Gabe was miffed but chuckling, and left with Patrick, leaving Pete and William on the floor dying.

//

A few days later, William was back to working the till at the flower shop. Just before closing, someone walked in. William was prepared to be a little annoyed, until he saw it was Gabe, carrying a little cardboard box.

Gabe slid the cardboard box across the counter towards William. “It’s a present for you!”

William criticized Gabe’s presentation in his head, but didn’t say anything out loud. Instead, he opened it and peered inside, then pulled out the contents. It was a half-dead orange flower in a plastic Wal-Mart container.

"Do you like it?" Gabe asked enthusiastically.

Bill looked up from reading the care tag in the pot. "It's lovely, but why a zinnia?" He was genuinely curious, having expected Gabe to be one to go for the more spectacular flowers.

Gabe grinned proudly. "I'm glad you asked! I got you that one because an orange zinnia is the first flower that astronauts have been able to make bloom in outer space!" 

Gabe then picked up the container with enough enthusiasm that William became momentarily concerned for the plant's status as "in the thing" rather than "on the floor", but looked closely as Gabe pointed to little scribbles on the outside of the container. As he leaned over the counter, he saw they weren’t just scribbles, they were little stars and planets drawn in sharpie marker. And fuck if he leaned just little farther over to kiss Gabe's stupid smiley face.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title was "hey moon, fuck off".


End file.
